I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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