I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
