i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
