I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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