thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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