Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
