just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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