I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will be naked everywhere
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
