Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's blow job season.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The power of my boobs compel you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
