Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
