something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
