I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
