I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
