We're like a lot better than the average bears
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
