apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
