he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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