i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize