Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
