Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
