You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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