i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
