I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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