She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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