Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
