my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
