i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
