I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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