Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
