we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Your cock deserves a montage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
