So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
