K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize