so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
