I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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