I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
