How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
