'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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