I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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