I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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