It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
