I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
