A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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