my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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