We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
