I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
