Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
