That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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