A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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