Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
