Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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