If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
