We need to rekindle our bromance
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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