her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found puke in my bra..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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