I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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