So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
