Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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