i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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