all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
