Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think my moral compass just broke
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
