I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
